Why doesn’t Bed Bath and Beyond just stop mailing those coupons and make everything 20% off?

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Office humor advice: When there is a weird (but good) smell floating around the office, and for example someone says “it smells like pizza in here” – just say “it’s my new cologne, ‘pizza’.” Then insert a famous perfume makers name here like Gucci, while also changing the food name to something more elegant.

So to review:

Person A: Whats that smell? it smells like hot dogs.. does anyone else smell it?

Person B: It’s my new cologne “Frankfurter” by Jean Paul Gaultier.

Let the LoLz roll in.

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When the state fixes or repairs roads, they feel the need to charge us double for traffic violations.  It is only fair that we get a discount if the road is old or if there are other problems with the road.  Maybe Sundays can be 35 percent off because the road was built by the WPA or half off Tuesdays because of excessive potholes.

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What would happen if you taped a popsickle stick to a pigeon to the point that it could not bob its head up and down?  Anyone want to try?

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They kill people.

They shoot them, they strangle them with a thin wire, they cut whole bodies up with pocket knifes, they smash bones with sledgehammers, they cut people up with tablesaws, they bury your legs in concrete and throw you in the ocean alive, they will throw a molotov cocktail in your house while you are watching American Idol, they will be sent out on a “hit” only to realize moments before the bullet enters their own brain that they were really they have been betrayed and they are the ones who are going to die.  They will kill you in front of your family, then kill your family.

To me, this seems like quite a bit on someones mind to keep them awake.

So why do they drink espresso out of those tiny cups?

It just doesn’t make any sense.

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Seeing a car that looks like a cop when you are speeding is like seeing someone that looks like your mother in law when you are on a date with not your wife.

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Sergey and Lawrence:

Heres an idear:

GMail should know when I receive the same forward from someone that I know and reject it from going to my inbox along with a message telling whomever sent it how I appreciate them wasting my life with their old shitty unoriginal emails.

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Did you ever notice that most people who breathe too loud are people that we would prefer not to be breathing at all?

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It’s pretty simple.

If poor people would just stop getting sick, then they wouldn’t have to worry about coverage.

Duh!

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I like to write little notes on packing slips for stuff I sell through amazon.

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