work

office lingo defined

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"Can you look at this? I need a fresh pair of eyes" = "I know I am an idiot and need someone smarter than me to look at what I am doing

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forward it like its h0t

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Dear office peeps,

Next time you consider sending a forward email you received from someone in the office, would you also consider looking at who received it?  Sending it to me again not only doesn’t make you funny – it makes you look like an idiot.

Consider it in terms of real life.

Everyone is in a group and someone tells a joke.

The joke teller walks away, someone then proceeds to tell the same joke again.

Don’t you see? It doesn’t work, and it just wastes everyones time.

Sorry to waste your time.

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fair and balanced

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I really don’t want to work today.

But I don’t have a choice.

TV has a choice, if they don’t to work they can do a "highlight" episode.

My two year anniversary is coming up soon, why can’t I just replace myself that day with a bunch of clips of me working the past two years?

Reads fair.

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leave me alone

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Dear person who works on the same floor as me,

Next time we both end up going to the bathroom at the same time together,

please dont bring up the point that we are on the same "schedule"

You are 65, old, bald and fat.

You still probably listen to the radio, dial into the internet and read about sports in the "newspaper".

So if you think we have anything in "common" you better also think about the iPhone that is going to be thrown at your head immediately after a comment like that.

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office etiquette

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the next mother fucking ASSHOLE (that is not in a chair) that takes the motherfucking elevator up to or down from the second floor is going to have an iPhone thrown at their skulls.

not kidding.

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