just shutup

It used to just be Chicken.  The only thing we had to worry about.  Just make sure you wash it clean and refrigerate in a timely manner after bringing it out.  Every once in a while it would make the news and it was happy.

Then it was Spinach, which was kind of odd, but we brushed it off.  We gave it a few front pages and that was enough.

Now, it’s peanut butter.  PEANUT BUTTER! It’s been around since the late 1800’s and hadn’t said a word.  I guess it couldn’t take it, it was just too damn jealous.  It wanted to be on the front page too.  It said “If Britney shaving her head is big news, wait till you see what I can do.  Anna Nicole ODing? Ha!”  So what did it do? It did the only thing food can do, contract salmonella.

Well FUCK YOU peanut butter, I don’t care.  Jelly sandwiches are A O K.

And you know what?  What is with all of these animals trying to eat people to make the news too?  Would you just give it a break?  We KNOW you all can eat people, you are animals, remember?

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